четверг, 25 октября 2007 г.
You are never at home! You never help me clean up. Sometimes you look at your room. In the budget, you have to help me. And with us to talk. Every day you come so late. Everything can you make me. You must help. Home is home!
It is just not. Home is not at home. I am every day at home. And here too. 2 times tidy, 2 times help - this is exhausting. At 2 and simultaneously locate sein- that is not possible. Every day I come back to my schlafnest. Until my wings are strong enough ....
Damn it! All i wanted to say was: i really really hope you're fine. I hope you get along well. I hope everything works out. I hope you can trust. I hope you find peace. I hope you find anything you need.
It's not that i do not believe you (or did not you addressed me at all). But you told me to write if I'm unhappy and not well. And you want to write if you're feeling good and everything's fine, you said you'll write. But you did not. So .... Is everything really ok?
I was just worrying .... As always. I did not want to be irritating. I hoped you knew.
You make me so sad
Both of you
I do not know
I do not understand
I give chances
Not only second
Again and again
Maybe you consider me dumb
I believe in the good
People make mistakes
Not only once
And again and again
And again ....
A promise is not a promise
Other ... Mistake again
But we all do
Love's not perfect
But that's what is about hope
Is not it
Hope is hope
Also not perfect
But somehow everything there is sometimes
Hope you are really fine
A masked ball is only funny if it's not your life
Hope you fine
Hope you are wrong
In that matter
Hope you never break again
But also hope you can give everything again
: shaun of the dead hab ich gesehen, aber hot fuzz nicht. Maus: shaun of the dead I have seen, but not hot fuzz.
: über hot fuzz hast du gsagt, dass das sicher der ur scheiß is und so und dann hast aber das andere von denen angschaut. Lion: over hot fuzz you gsagt that certainly is the ur scheiß and then did so but the other of which angschaut. "But is very inconsistent of you!"
We miss him, do not we? And even if you say you do not, you do. But you did not say it anyway. And even if you would, you can not because you're not here.
I had a dream tonight .... A recurring dream. Really scared me. Everything was so beautiful. And i broke somebody's heart. After knowing him what? A day and a night? But i knew him my whole life on the other hand. Or .... Once upon a dream.
Hope we see today. Have to talk to you about this.
"I know you
I walked with you once upon a dream.
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
Yes, I know it's true
That visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you, I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once upon a dream "
(Once upon a dream)
[He keeps me firmly]
If I you just had to know already. Then I would now very different. I hätt me differently. If I you just have to know him before. (Then if you now with me, then would you now belong to me).
[He pushes me and I feel atem in his neck, he sees me with his beautiful eyes and makes me sad he sees me with his sad eyes, and I will be very mulmig in bauch]
If I you just have to know much sooner had ....
... All just a dream.
You have a life of your own. But everythime when I'm with you-i seem to forget that. It's like .... There's only the two of us. And there has never been anything else.
.... .... But then i remember. Not only you have a life of your own. I have one too.
Sometimes, this world on the same level with his world. But only briefly. And with my world comes mostly at the airport. It is not so that they have something special. It is only because, quite OS from everything else. Like going into the wardrobe and then coming out again. But no magic in there, no aslan. Only him. Just a different world. You can not really compare them.
But i still like mine better. Here in my world he is the i need. Here .... He is the i love.
.... Every day anew, I must say: TODAY.
What is special?
You are there.
Yes. Previous fall was also beautiful. It will never again be the same way.
But maybe it is better. ;)
Nice that we understand.
Since when does hase finally?
I freu me every evening when the fine to end today comes from the beautiful tomorrow.
.... But there was no one there to receive them.
The really sad about the whole story is that I am totally different, and you no piece of mitkriegst and not see everything. You see how I was, but not how I am.
Speaking of vergangenheitsbewältigung (also for other people ....)
I have two years before you say things, what I can promise you, and what not. What I do and what not. You would not come to the thoughts can ask me again, because I am the same. And what I said, that is not quite so true anymore. I was confused as a whole and got things done .... Yes ancient history.
But you stand still where we left off. And I stand where we started.
- weiß ich, dass ich das nie wieder machen würde. Now, I know that I would never again do. So what?
- ist es schon egal. Now, it is no matter.
You have tried it. You can not.
I do not know what I shall do. I would like to do, what you expect, but I can not know. Therefore, I can only do what I can. I must be on my way. I understand you. I understand what you do. Somehow, I sensed that something is wrong, but I am told that there is nothing. And so I asked ... (I think). But you did not lie to me, just ousted. And now is no time for talk and no longer there wille. Ok. More, I can not say. I verstehs. If I do nothing, nothing better. But what can I do? .... So I will just wait and see.
And just about the unaccounted for ... I have not suffered. It gave me fun. And it is what I live in my most hate and despise. And funny that I got into the night at 1:30, the email did get .... When I was just about to have thought about it and talked about it hab. I have even forgiven me. Not true. When I think about it I get a hass-wut-innerehitze-anfall/schweißausbruch or aggressionsgänsehaut. Or both. I hate that I made. And then, I have suffered. Manuf but much later that I had done something that I despise, I can perhaps still easier to forgive than I that you have violated (and not only you btw).
My he said "is between you everything in order? You have no more contact as much as before or? " And I always reassured him and said that everything fits. It only takes time .... But sensed that something is not right, I did. As you can see, I also have in the course of years .... mühsamst learned how to ousted.
It does me really and sincerely from the bottom of my heart sorry.
Ten days yet .... Hmm ....
Words words .... .... Everything helps me nothing. I can not express what I feel. Should I see that as a good sign? I can not write, but live ....? Yes about the toll.
But how can I express?
I come with (my) words simply not up to what is inside me. I will simply not do justice to. I can not tell you how much I love you and how happy I am. But I got the feeling that I already ausstrahle in all directions. I have the feeling that I can not hide, and that they see me.
Ten days yet ....
It nebelt out quite strong. And there are still some things not said ....
It makes it out somehow unreal. I think it is incredibly beautiful. But I sags thee not. I do not know whether you ichs not just say, because I feel it would have been dissolved and sounds untrue. Perhaps you would not believe me. .... And so would resolve everything. But I would believe me when someone would say? Maybe I say this to you not because you might not understand. Or for you because it is intangible. Is the same thing? Perhaps it is just that I think words can not capture. (My words .... sprachbarrieren). The significance of this. And if I did not words you can say, what then? So I say it does not. This is changing but not in the slightest bit out ....
I would love to you forever ....